She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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