I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
