i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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