hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
