I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
