i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
