I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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