Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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