who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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