wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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