Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize