i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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