My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
