Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
