It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
