I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
