you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
