Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
