remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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