I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
