he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
