I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
