if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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