I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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