Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize