WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You are the jesus of drinking
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
