i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
