That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
