It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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