pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
