I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
