so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
