You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
