bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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