why do cheetos always look like penises
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
