she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
