Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
