I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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