So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
