I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
