I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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