i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
