i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
