I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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