Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
