I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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