i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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