I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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