someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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