I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
