i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
