So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
