A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
