she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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