Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
