I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
