is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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