i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
