but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have aggressive nipples.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
