dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
