the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
