I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
