I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
