I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
