Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
