dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
