if you like me you must not know who I am
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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