Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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