we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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