You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
