so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
