Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
